I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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