We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
