Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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