i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it was like eating out sand paper
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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