he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And then my night got REAL pukey
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
