He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
