I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
