# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
is it fun? or sober?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
