Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize