i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
