ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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