just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
