you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if only i could text you this smell
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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