Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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