i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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