my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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