I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
