Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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