i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
