my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
