There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
