so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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