wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
