Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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