Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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