I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
