Just fell off a train. Bad.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
