Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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