and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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