Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
