i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm too high and old for this...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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