On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
