i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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