CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize