please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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