I swear she didn't look like that last week.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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