And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can you bring me the toilet please
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
