i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
