he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I love you. Go after that dick
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
