yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
not ubering you a puppy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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