Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The power of my boobs compel you
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
