I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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