Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
