I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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