I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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