Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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