Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
