oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize