dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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