the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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