Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just cropdusted the office
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
