lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
