God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
