The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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