There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
