is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
