Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
