I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My cat gives me a boner
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
