If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
