I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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