when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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