I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
