she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
