yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
