She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
