Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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