i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
