I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize
