we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
