You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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