What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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