you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
