I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
