Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
