"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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