he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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