good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just google imaged poop.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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