I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
