the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm passing your future prison.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
