smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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