No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
