I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
