don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
