No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize