The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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