I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
