seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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