Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
