I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
