The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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