dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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