She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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