he puts the penis in happiness.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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