Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
