We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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