Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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