I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize