And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
