Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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