just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize