We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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