I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
sex in a hospital.. check
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
