Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize