I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
