i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just gift wrapped bread.
she told me i tasted like america
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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