I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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