How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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