he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i now understand why vodka
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
