I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this just has baby written all over it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
